Andy Interviews...

"Bentley Rythmn Ace"

Andy: How's it going : on the tour and stuff?
Rich: Yeah. Really good.

Andy: Where do you think you fit in the music scene?
Rich: Don't know. Don't think about things like that.

Andy: No? You don't want to fit, or you just don't care?
Rich: About somewhere between...
Mike: ...don't care.

Andy: What do you care about?
Rich and Mike laugh.
Rich: Kipper ties. Do you know where we can get a nice kipper tie round here?
Mike laughs.

Andy: Not at quarter to seven in the evening, no, not really.
Mike (dazed): Is it quarter to seven, now?
Rich: Do you think we might get a kipper tie in there?
Andy: It's their style. It's sometimes a bit seventies around here.
Mike: No, a 'cup of tea'.
Rich: Kipper tie !!
Rich and Mike laugh.

Andy: So you're just ripping the piss basically. They'll have a 'kipper tie' in there, no hassle.
Rich: It's the puchline to our favourite joke at the moment.
Andy: What's the joke? Or... is that it?
Rich: It's about Noddy Holder buying some clothes. He's in a tailor's shop, and he's got his suit and shoes and the tailor says "What about a kipper tie?" and Noddy goes "Yeah, milk and two sugars."
Rich giggles

Andy: Fair enough, then. That's a good one.
Rich: The other one we like is: two parrots sitting on a perch, and one says to the other "Can you smell fish"...
Mike: Perch.
Rich and Mike giggle then laugh.
Andy: Ohh dear.
Rich: It's a good joke that is. This is how we pass our time, telling jokes.

Andy: I assume you don't kip in this thing?
Rich: You assume right, yeah.
Andy: Where are you staying on tour? Are you going back to London?
Mike: We're from Birmingham. Hotels. Unless we're in reach of Birmingham.
Rich: We're going to Worcester tomorrow, which is near to where we live so we can go home. It'd be a bit silly going to London really because... we don't live there. There's enough homeless people on the streets already without another half a dozen turning up.

Andy: What's a Bentley Rhythm Ace fan like?
Rich: A Bentley Rhythm Ace. It's... what, the drum machine?
Andy: I actually asked what's a Bentley Rhythm Ace FAN like?
Rich: Oh. We've never met a fan.
Mike: Not yet.
Rich: I thought they looked like attractive girls.
Mike: That's to be hoped.
Rich (rummaging around) : We've got some photographs - this is at one of our concerts the other night. At the front of the stage, definately, there was girls.
Mike: Oh yeah. There's definately girls.
Rich: There was girls with little black dresses on and smart haircuts.
Andy: They're your two fans?
Rich: They were that night. [rummages more] There's quite a few...

Mike: Have you got any pictures of our car in there?
Rich: Of our what?
Mike: Our car... no, in there.
Rich: Oh... yeah...
Mike: We bought a car between us.

John: The van with the Bentley logo on the side?
Mike: No, it's a bit bigger than that.

Andy finds a copy of the Bentley's album : Is this the album? Wicked! I assume this is just for looking at.
Mike: Yeah, we've only got a few, one each.

Rich finds the picture of 'their car' - a cadillac with himself and Mike posed in front of it and announces : This is our new car.
Andy: That's a big car!
Mike: Here it is.
Rich: We don't like to take it out with us 'cos people scratch it.
Andy: How much was that!?
Rich and Mike laugh again.
Mike: Cheap, really cheap. Our drummer's a mechanic so he's done it up.
Andy: Very impressive.

John: So are you two still the only two properly in the band and the others just...?
Rich: Yeah the others are just employees. GO ON! WORK!
Mike: WHAT'S ALL THAT BANGIN' FUZZ?
Fuzz: Oi! Bloody shut it inside there you, alright!? I'VE GOTTA COME AND GET ALL THE REST OF THE GEAR. Bang some more... Watch out. [BANG] [BANG] [CLUNK!]
Bloke: Is it an opportune moment for us to just...
Rich: Yeah, we're havin' a little chat with these lads.
Fuzz starts banging on the outside of the van.

Rich: We've found a new noise to make to annoy the driver which is... [drops ashtray from ceiling onto table]
Mike: ...really terrible.
Fuzz: Must be a crowner when it catches all the high frequencies in there.
Rich: Do you think we should stop doing it then?
Mike: I thought it was funny.

Rich: These are the wheel arches from our on-stage car.
Andy: Cool. I was wondering - have you got a guest list with you?
Rich: Erm... Where's that box? Our office in a box.

Andy: So what's a Bentley Rhythm Ace then?
Mike: It's a drum machine, a really old one.
John: Have you used one?
Mike: No, no, they're terrible.
Fuzz: 20 years in the business, me. 20 years. If you want to know anything, son. 20 years in the business alright.
Mike: 20 years he's done. He's got the rings, look, he's got the rings to show.

Andy: Who's Robert Cutprice? Is that his real name?
Rich: Here he is now.
Rob: 30 years in the business and I've never met such childish people in all my life. Put that in the interview.
Andy: Don't worry I will.

Rich is still looking for the guest list.
Mike: He's lost it...
Rich: It's gotta be somewhere...
Andy: Ohhhh dear.
Mike: Here y'are. It's down here.
Rich: Are your names on there?
Andy: Errm... no. Mint's on there though.
Mike: Fuzz knows Mint, he's from Birmingham.
Fuzz: Yeah, I know Mint. 20 years in the business I've been. I knew Mint fourteen years ago. Good times, good times...

Mike grabs the dictaphone and hijacks the interview : Do you like it now? Is it better than 20 years ago?
Fuzz: Showbiz just gets better.
Rob: Who's the best person you've ever met, like. Who's the most famous person you've ever met?
Fuzz: The most famous person?... Mike out of, er, Bentley Rhythm Ace.
Everyone laughs.

Mike: The Bentley Rhythm Ace?
Fuzz: Met 'em all, met 'em all.
And they all laugh again.

Rob: Who's the most interesting person you've ever met?
Fuzz: oh...
Rob: Was that the Bentley's as well?
Fuzz: ...yeah, I think it was, yeah.
Rob: Have you ever met anyone else?
Fuzz: Er.. no. Sorry. No. 20 years though. 20 years. There's time.
Mike: In the business...
Fuzz: There's time yet. Still...[wanders off]
More laughter.

Andy: Is he actually 20 years old yet? He doesn't look much past 20 to be honest.
Mike: Yeah, he's like, 32.
Andy: So he's been in the business since he was twelve?
Mike: He fell off the stage when he was fourteen, he told me about it. And all the drums fell out.
Rich: He's like the Michael Jackson of the drums.
Rich and Mike laugh again.
Mike: Barry Manilow, isn't it?
Andy: Has he got a pet monkey, and lives in a...
Mike: Barry Manilow of the bongos. Eric Clapton of the cymbals.

Fuzz: Remember 'Hotel California' by the Eagles? Remember that? One of the greats. That was 20 years ago. 20 years ago when I started.
Mike: When you were twelve?
Fuzz: I played the drums on that. It was one of my firsts. I don't do that sort of thing though now.
Rich: His girlfriend don't like it when we take him back. She says "Can you keep him a bit > longer?"

Andy: Mike, were you a plumber before?
Mike: Tarmaccer.

Andy: Is that Melody Maker?
Mike: Yeah, we're in it. Look.
John: Nice picture. Wow! they've given your album nine.
Mike grabs MM back : Have they!?
Andy: Yeah, everyone's gone a bit mad about you really haven't they?
Rich: Have they?
Andy: Well, Radio One have been playing you loads. They were playing Bentley's Gonna Sort You Out as I went to bed the other day.
Rich: Really? When's your bedtime?
Andy: Erm... It was about 1am.
Rich: Who was playing it?
Andy: Mary Anne Hobbs I think.
Rich sneers.

Andy: So, Mike, what's this about Toyah?
John: Yeah, in Select it said you were seen in a balti house with Toyah Willcox.
Mike: That was written by a guy from Jockey Slut. I don't even like Balti.
Rich: Does that mean you DO like Toyah? [laughs]
Mike: Er, no, I don't. It's this on-going thing we've got with him. He did it as a wind up but we got him back. He'd set up this thing on election night with us and Lionrock to do a kind of mock election thing but Bentley's took it to mean 'free beer, bring all your mates', so we arrived late and took over the whole thing.

Andy: Richard. You've been around for a while and Fatboy Slim, Norman Cook, has done loads of stuff. Is Skint (your label) just an excuse for loads of old blokes to jump on a new bandwagon.
Rich: Er, no. I can see where you're coming from, but it's not like that. I didn't say [he shakes an imaginary walking stick] "Come on Norman. We'll show these kids a thing or two. We didn't get any groupies the first time round..."

John: Where did you get that sample of the barking seal from?
Mike: I don't know. Probably from a car boot sale somewhere.
John: Have you thought of having a seal live on stage, now that you've got a live drummer as well?
Rich: Er... no, not really. When we've taught Fuzz to balance a ball on his nose we can get him to do it.

Andy: Okay, last question. If Bentley Rhythm Ace was, like, a mental disorder... What would it's symptoms be?
. . .
Rich and Mike look blank and then giggle.
[perhaps these are the symptoms.]
. . .

Mike: Cup of tea then?
Rich: Erm... a Kipper tie.
Mike: Kipper tie.

Andy: That's fair enough. It never worked any other time I asked it.
Rich: Er... no, I'm not big on mental disorders.
Mike: Ayuhyuhgugh...
Rich: It'd just be - feet twitching and helpless giggling.
Mike giggles then they both laugh.

Mike: Cup of tea.
Rich: Kipper tie...

And as we leave the van, they're still giggling.

Andy: There was a funny smell in there...

Andy Extance and John Appleyard in the BRA Tour Bus
Click Here to get more details about "Bentley Rhythm Ace" the album and other material produced by the group.

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